Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize