Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
