oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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