All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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