True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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