I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My vagina just recognized that song.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
