Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
