so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
