Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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