I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She bit a glass in half.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
