i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Drunk is not a location!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
