"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
