he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
