Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
