drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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