I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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