chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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