kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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