I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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