I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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