I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
