Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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