loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize