She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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