i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
