dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize