ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
