Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
