420 ftw
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
