I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
sex in a hospital.. check
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
