so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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