Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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