did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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