so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
