you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize