hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
