I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He has the fingertips of a God
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