There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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