I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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