You just made me feel so damn special
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize