I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
