His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
