I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
