Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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