He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
