Having a random hookup so left but love u
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
