ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize