I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
