i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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