And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
