I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
