I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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