she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
