She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
