I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
