Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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