If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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