you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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