Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
