The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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