I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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