I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
