I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
