Someone shit on the floor
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
