I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
