she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
