Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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