he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
