yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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