Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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