I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it was like eating out sand paper
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
