When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
