Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
