New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize