Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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