She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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