Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
thus making me awesome and them whores
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
