I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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