I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
