They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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