I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
we're so committed to being not committed
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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