Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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