once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
