im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
