I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize